Zen is not some fancy, special art of living. Our teaching is just to live, always in reality, in its exact sense. To make our effort, moment after moment, is our way. In an exact sense, the only thing we actually can study in our life is that on which we are working in each moment… So we should be concentrated with our full mind and body on what we do; and we should be faithful, subjectively and objectively, to ourselves, and especially to our feelings. Even when you do not feel so well, it is better to express how you feel without any particular attachment or intention.
— Shunryu Suzuki
Early in my spiritual journey, everything felt special and nothing was normal. Seeing life this way made for an exciting and entertaining spiritual adventure. Lately however, I’ve been feeling underwhelmed and bored by life. Nothing feels special anymore and everything feels normal. It feels like the spiritual adventure reached its peak.
And now I’m experiencing the comedown.
What was once an act of service is work. What was once a sacred ritual of becoming the present moment is a meditation. What was once an opportunity to enter an altered state of spiritual discovery is sleep. What was once divine existence is life.
Everything has become normal again.
The world my ego built on various ideas of spirituality is dissolving. The ideas that gave my existence meaning and direction are falling away, and I am left with nothing.
My spiritual ego has popped and is deflating.
I feel empty and my heart aches.
Life is just life again, the surface level specialness is fading.
I’m returning where I began, but I’m bringing something back.
Before one studies Zen, mountains are mountains and waters are waters; after a first glimpse into the truth of Zen, mountains are no longer mountains and waters are no longer waters; after enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and waters once again waters.
— Dōgen
Before any enlightenment, we see the world in a straightforward, unassuming way: "Before one studies Zen, mountains are mountains and waters are waters”. Mountains are simply mountains, and waters are simply waters. This is akin to the experience of a child. Everything is rather simple, magnificent but simple. The focus is on direct experience. The ego isn’t developed. Judgement isn’t so much a thing. There is no deeper meaning or significance to the various things; they are what they are.
Life is life, nothing added.
However, “after a first glimpse into the truth of Zen, mountains are no longer mountains and waters are no longer waters." This is the point at which I began to see the world differently through the lens of my newly born spiritual ego. I began to understand that everything is interconnected, and that there is a more essential (divine, some might say) reality underlying the surface appearances of things. Mountains and waters are no longer separate, discrete and simple entities, but part of a larger interconnected, divinely intelligent whole. I began building upon and relying on the spiritual ideas and experiences I was coming across. I was cultivating a new ego, a spiritual ego. Here, life became deeply exciting and felt very special.
The “honeymoon” phase of the spiritual journey, so to speak. I once had so many ideas about the nature of reality, God, consciousness. Life was a profound mystery to be rediscovered and understood for the first time again. I still have those ideas now, but they don’t mean as much as they once did.
Finally, "after enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and waters once again waters." Paradoxically, this speaks to the fact that the enlightened person is able to see the world as it is, without getting caught up in illusions or delusions. Again, like a child, mountains and waters are seen for what they truly are, mountains and waters. However, the enlightened person is also capable of a deeper appreciation for the divine beauty and significance of things, in a way that was not possible before.
Full circle. But with a more complete perspective and deeper understanding. I am no longer seeking through the mind. The mind has given the reigns to the heart. I still enjoy contemplating the ten thousands things, but just for fun. I am not seeking any answers through the mind. I know the answer through my heart.
Empty yourself of everything.
Let the mind rest at peace.
The ten thousand things rise and fall while the Self watches their return.
They grow and flourish and then return to the source.
Returning to the source is stillness, which is the way of nature.
The way of nature is unchanging.
Knowing constancy is insight.
Not knowing constancy leads to disaster.
Knowing constancy, the mind is open.
With an open mind, you will be openhearted.
Being openhearted, you will act royally.
Being royal, you will attain the divine.
Being divine, you will be at one with the Tao.
Being at one with the Tao is eternal.
And though the body dies, the Tao will never pass away.— Lao Tzu
As I reflect on Lao Tzu and Dōgen's words, I feel a renewed sense of inspiration to recommit to Zen practice. I am also reminded of the value in seeing the world as it is, with right understanding rather than as I think it is, imagine it to be, or want it to be.
In the end, the path of Zen is a process of self-discovery and self-transcendence. It is a journey that has brought me closer to the truth of who I am, and to the beauty and wonder of what is. As I continue along this path, I collect, evaluate and play with many magnificent and illuminating ideas, perspectives and experiences. More importantly, my heart opens and my love deepens, and that’s the greatest thing I’m bringing back.
May all beings find the courage and inspiration to embark on this journey, and may all beings find true peace and fulfillment along the way. Om Amen. Namaste. Hallelujah.
Press that heart, share or comment to gift me free dopamine. Thanks for reading.
that first quote is brilliant gold
Yeah, I like Lenny I also connect with this. I've been fortunate to go through 2 or 3 of these cycles so far and one thing I've found that helps is humility.
Relaxing into not knowing, simply observing using right understanding as you mentioned. Quieting the part of me that is tense and all puffed up, quick to be jaded or full of himself as if he knows everything already.
When I can soften into the moment, connect with my innate curiosity and observe externally rather than remain distracted by internal dialogue, then the colour and magic begins to creep back into my awareness again.
Even if that's just watching the magic of trees swaying in the wind
I connect with this.
In the past whenever I was still I would feel anxiety and depression would creep up.
And now after years of working on it, in silence, instead of depression, I just feel space.