There are many men I love, and I’ve begun to tell them because they are my friends and it is true, I love them. I still feel a bit uncomfortable telling friends I love them, sometimes. Most of the time, it feels good to tell my male friends I love them.
Most friends tell me they love me, too. That feels good.
Some of my friends don’t say it back. Not many, but some.
I attribute they’re lack of vocalized love to the same discomfort I feel when I say “I love you” to my male friends, so I don’t feel sad or disappointed if they don’t say it back.
I understand, expressing love is a vulnerable act. It takes some courage.
I’ve found it very difficult to say “I love you” to the men in my life, even the best and closest of friends, even my dad. My dad isn’t the most verbally expressive with his emotions. He would tell you that himself. He tells me he loves me, but not much. I know I would like to hear it more. I used to feel uncomfortable telling him I loved him.
It’s only in the last 3 years that I’ve begun giving those words out more frequently to the important men in my life, including my dad. I’ve noticed that being generous with these words, to those whom deserve to hear them from you, can provide a deeper sense of connection, comfort, peace, joy and even healing for both parties.
Many dad’s don’t express their love to their son with words. It’s probably because the dad’s dad didn’t either, and that dad’s dad didn’t either… and now few men say it to each other, perpetuating the cycle of not giving or receiving love.
This is likely because of the West’s unhealthy relationship to the masculine and feminine archetypes, insecurity, fear of judgement and vulnerability, the patriarchy…
Many reasons, but honestly, I don’t care about the reasons.
I care about love, and I’m writing this to spread love.
I think more men should tell each other they love each other. It’s good for our health.
I’ve noticed that men who have more openly loving relationships with their fathers are usually more well adjusted and well integrated than those who do not have that kind of relationship with their dad. So, it might be a good idea to start telling each other we love each other so we can heal that part of ourselves that needs and wants to receive loving words from a father figure, thus healing, approaching wholeness.
Saying the words “I love you” to friends that genuinely deserve to hear it from you is an act of wholeness, it drives you and the other being towards wholeness. Upon sharing those words, you recognize the place in you that loves, and your buddy recognizes the place in him that is loved, and which loves. You give love to your pal for free, which awakens love in him, your pal. Pretty cool, isn’t it?
By giving love, you are love, you become love. That’s a pretty big deal. Many ancient spiritual traditions suggest love is the ultimate, a form of sacred communion allowing for mystical unity and self-transcendence, merging with God, source, the ultimate…
I won’t go into the mystical right now, I’ll save that for another essay.
My point is, spread love. It ripples.
Thanks for reading. I love you, even if you’re not a man or don’t identify as one.
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I love you, bro.
Love you, brother!