To “be yourself” is poor advice. Don’t be yourself.
By trying to be yourself you inevitably strive to be something other than what you are in every moment. Moreover, you cannot actually be yourself because there is no self to be. The self is an illusion, it is a posture. There is no self as a substantive agent of the psyche. The self is a fetishized illusion of our subjectivity. The point is thus not to discover one’s true self, but to accept that there is none, and in turn, discover oneself.
You and I, we are ideas. We are products of thought, artifacts of intellect.
This self is who you think you are and who you think you ought to be, but that isn’t who you are because who you are is much more than an illusion. What you really are is this moment, right now, with nothing added and nothing removed.
As Alan Watts said:
“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.”
The self is a layer on top of suchness.
This self is the root of our sense of identity. It is the identity that is fractured by trauma and dissolved by the tides of psychedelic experience. This self changes.
This identity construct is not stable or permanent. It is fluid and changing.
This ego, when hardened by the experiences of life, becomes a shell. Within the shell of trauma and hurt lies a pearl. That pearl is your true self, that true self is the universe.
The more involved we are with this self, the more it takes control of life, and the more we suffer for it. In many circumstances (not all, of course) our problems evaporate as we transcend and rebuild the self with understanding of its emptiness.
There is no self to be.
If Buddhism is correct and there is no unchanging self, or soul, then to be yourself is to try to be a projection created by your illusory self. Thus, by striving to be yourself, you are putting effort into being an idea which you are not instead of letting who you are naturally arise from your full presence in each moment.
Being yourself limits your potential. When you try being yourself, you will inevitably try to replicate your past thoughts and behaviours based on memories, or, you may fabricate your future thoughts and behaviours based on expectations born out of past memories. To replicate or fabricate our way through life isn’t optimal.
If I strive to become some idea of myself, I will repeat my past or forge my future according to who I think I am. Neither of these paths will allow me the freedom to act in harmony with the present situation. Instead of being yourself, be.
Have no idea of yourself.
To be yourself is to replicate or fabricate oneself in a moment, which leads to the opposite of one’s intention.
When I behave according to an idea I’ve cultivated according to my past and desired future, I limit who I am and who I can become. I act according to an imagined self which obstructs my capacity for full presence, full being in each moment, a state from which free and harmonious behaviour will naturally arise.
This isn’t to say we shouldn’t set ideals to act towards. We can all strive to become better people, but we don’t need to let our ideals be a part of who we think we are.
Set your ideals, and live them without thinking about them or yourself in relation to them. For example, I can be a kind person without thinking about being a kind person. Kindness doesn’t have to be a part of my self-identity for me to be kind. Actually, I’ve noticed I become more kind when I don’t think about myself (as kind).
When I let go of who I think I am, I am kind, patient, grateful, present…
When I try to match my behaviours with my ideals, I strive towards an object of my imagination, losing touch with the present moment, thus limiting my capacity to act freely and in harmony with each moment. My attention, or awareness, is more effective when it is present to each moment than when focused on an ideal.
I’ve found that the less I carry an idea of myself, the more virtuous I become. As I forgot myself and let my self dissolve under the fullness of present experience, my behaviour falls into harmony with what is.
I become a harmonious instrument of the universe instead of an organism trying to be something that it isn’t. Whenever I find myself being shitty, I notice that I’m trying to act according to some ego-driven ideal that ultimately doesn’t serve anyone, even if I am trying to serve everyone, including myself. By forgetting myself, I serve everyone.
By just being instead of trying to be something or someone, awareness is freed from the chains of the ego and becomes more open, creative and attentive to the present.
Hanuman, the Hindu servant of God, said:
When I do not know who I am, I serve You and when I do know who I am, I am You.
By being yourself you are striving to be something that you are not. Rather than trying to be yourself, learn to let yourself emerge from presence. Let yourself emerge by being fully present in each moment.
Become present by cultivating a meditation practice.
The best advice is to just be, or, let yourself be. And have no idea of yourself.
Then, awareness is empty and the possibilities are infinite.
love it
I really like this. I realise that I keep getting myself caught up in not wanting to act a certain way because others know I normally don't. But really I think these are dumb things to focus on. Sometimes it's refreshing to see change.